My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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