matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
