It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
