i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
