Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
