i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
