Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
