You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
