I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
