My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize