What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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