Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
