Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
