i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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