Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize