Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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