whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
