If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize