if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
