please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
