So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I believe in your delicious
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
