i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
