You're completely useless in the revolution.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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