It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
