Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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