I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
