he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Who died my cat blue again?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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