everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
