I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
