this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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