I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
