Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
