peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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