so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
