We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
