Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hippo gnu deer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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