well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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