4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Buhtt sex?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
