Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
