check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
