and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
