I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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