I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
