Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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