I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He felt like a one man threesome
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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