When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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