I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
