My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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