Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
