There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
