you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
