I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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