I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize