Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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