i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need a beard to bite.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
