I wanna passion pit in your ass
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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