People in love make me want to vomit
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
