Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
