Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
