It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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