I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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