She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
