my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
