The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
