I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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