You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
