god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
