seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize