I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize