Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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