I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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