So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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