i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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