so explain again why im purple
no
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
