thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
