I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
