Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
