I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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