I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He told me they were just razor bumps!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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