I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
