Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
