Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently you make a good broom.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
