I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
