she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
