I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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