She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
