my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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