u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
