I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize