Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
