they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
