She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
