Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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