I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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