ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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