dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
