i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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