listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You are a genius and a whore.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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