curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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