i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
