She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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