I met the friendliest cop last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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