Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
