Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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