Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
