8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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