you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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