He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
