Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
