he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
