just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I believe in your delicious
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize