Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
